Thirteen Jewish men went to a party
Romans thought those boys were mighty naughty
Our man said "Fellas, grab this bread like it's my body, and
EAT ME UP
I ain't foolin', this wine is my blood, why don't you
DRINK ME UP
as if I were your wholly holy stud, that way you
SEAL ME UP
inside you, so when you're in need, then you can
FEEL ME UP
I'll guide you, though I must concede, I'm straight."
Chorus:
JESUS WAS STRAIGHT AS AN ARROW!
Jesus was straight
JESUS WAS ON THE STRAIGHT 'N NARROW!
Yes he was
STRAIGHT AS A BONE DOWN TO THE MARROW!
Jesus was
S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T!
Down Gethsemane, Judas was tardy
He showed up with a mob, lookin' all haughty
Smoothed up to JC, sayin' "Baby I just thought we...thought we might"
MMMMPOP!
"Woah, Judas, not in front of this crowd!", but he kept on
MMMMSMACK!
"No, Judas, that smooch is not allowed, I know it
MMMMWA!
pleases Judas to have his post manned, but really,
MMMMX!
Jesus, Judas, you just don't understand--I'm straight!"
(chorus)
They wanted to nail my Lord, sub Pontio Pilato!
DOMINUS DEUS!
Pontius couldn't "stick up" for him, 'cause The Pilate liked to get blotto.
LAUDAMUS TE!
So that ebriosus with the mostess the Holy Ghost a sorry sight made, though we prayed,
PATREM OMNIPOTENTEM!
Still they laid him down with cross and crown outside town, naked and betrayed, for to be displayed,
ADORAMUS TE!
Yes, he was flayed without mercy on his hardy backside
And he ran out of cheeks to turn as they scarred the man's hide
And though his persecutors he'd not thus far defied, we cried
JESUS!
"Please come away with me!"
JESUS!
"Far beyond your little sea of Galilee, I need you!"
JESUS!
"You've got to run away from all this hate!" Jesus said:
"No...no...I am straight."
(chorus)
"And I must die today so you can see the way that is S-T-R-A-"--no matter what scholars say-- they were most certainly not gay men.
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