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Christmas is Ruined 2: Hammered on the Hammond

by The Perfect Band

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1.
Hark! the herald angels sing, "Glory to the new born King, peace on earth, and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!" Joyful, all ye nations rise, join the triumph of the skies; with th' angelic host proclaim, "Christ is born in Bethlehem!" Hark! the herald angels sing, "Glory to the new born King!" Christ, by highest heaven adored; Christ, the everlasting Lord; late in time behold him come, offspring of a virgin's womb. Veiled in flesh the Godhead see; hail th' incarnate Deity, pleased with us in flesh to dwell, Jesus, our Emmanuel. Hark! the herald angels sing, "Glory to the new born King!" Hail the heaven-born Prince of Peace! Hail the Sun of Righteousness! Light and life to all he brings, risen with healing in his wings. Mild he lays his glory by, born that we no more may die, born to raise us from the earth, born to give us second birth. Hark! the herald angels sing, "Glory to the new born King!"
2.
Jingle Bells 02:22
Dashing through the snow In a one-horse open sleigh O'er the fields we go Laughing all the way Bells on bobtail ring' Making spirits bright What fun it is to ride and sing A sleighing song tonight! Jingle bells, jingle bells, Jingle all the way; Oh! what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh. Jingle bells, jingle bells, Jingle all the way; Oh! what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh A day or two ago I thought I'd take a ride And soon, Miss Fanny Bright Was seated by my side, The horse was lean and lank Misfortune seemed his lot He got into a drifted bank And then we got upsot Now the ground is white Go to it while you're young, Take the girls tonight and sing this sleighing song; Just get a bobtailed bay Two forty as his speed Hitch him to an open sleigh And crack! you'll take the lead
3.
Angels we have on heard high Sweetly singing o'er the plains And the mountains in reply Echoing their joyous strains Gloria in excelsis Deo Gloria in excelsis Deo Shepherds, why this jubilee? Why your joyous strains prolong? What the gladsome tidings be Which inspire your heavenly song? Come to Bethlehem and see Christ whose birth the angels sing Come adore on bended knee Christ the Lord the newborn King
4.
Joy to the world! The Lord is come: let earth receive her King! Let every heart prepare him room and heaven and nature sing. Joy to the world! the Saviour reigns: let men their songs employ while fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains repeat the sounding joy. He rules the world with truth and grace, and makes the nations prove the glories of his righteousness and wonders of his love
5.
Oh, come, all ye faithful, Joyful and triumphant! Oh, come ye, oh, come ye to Bethlehem. Come and behold him Born the king of angels. Oh, come, let us adore him, Oh, come, let us adore him, Oh, come, let us adore him, Christ the Lord. Sing, choirs of angels, Sing in exultation, Sing, all ye citizens of heaven above! Glory to God In the highest. Oh, come, let us adore him, Oh, come, let us adore him, Oh, come, let us adore him, Christ the Lord. Yea, Lord, we greet thee, Born this happy morning. Jesus, to thee be glory given! Word of the Father, Now in flesh appearing! Oh, come, let us adore him, Oh, come, let us adore him, Oh, come, let us adore him, Christ the Lord
6.
Good King Wenceslas looked out On the feast of Stephen When the snow lay round about Deep and crisp and even Brightly shone the moon that night Though the frost was cruel When a poor man came in sight Gath'ring winter fuel "Bring me flesh and bring me wine Bring me pine logs hither Thou and I will see him dine When we bear him thither." Page and monarch forth they went Forth they went together Through the rude wind's wild lament And the bitter weather In his master's steps he trod Where the snow lay dinted Heat was in the very sod Which the Saint had printed Therefore, Christian men, be sure Wealth or rank possessing Ye who now will bless the poor Shall yourselves find blessing
7.
Away in a manger, No crib for His bed The little Lord Jesus Laid down His sweet head The stars in the bright sky Looked down where He lay The little Lord Jesus Asleep on the hay The cattle are lowing The poor Baby wakes But little Lord Jesus No crying He makes I love Thee, Lord Jesus Look down from the sky And stay by my side, 'Til morning is nigh. Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay Close by me forever And love me I pray Bless all the dear children In Thy tender care And take us to heaven To live with Thee there
8.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Tis the season to be jolly, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Don we now our gay apparel, Fa la la, la la la, la la la. Troll the ancient Yule tide carol, Fa la la la la, la la la la. See the blazing Yule before us, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Strike the harp and join the chorus. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Follow me in merry measure, Fa la la la la, la la la la. While I tell of Yule tide treasure, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Fast away the old year passes, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Hail the new, ye lads and lasses, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Sing we joyous, all together, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Heedless of the wind and weather, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

about

That timeless tale of yuletide calamity wherein the mysterious stranger (generally an organist) arrives in town just in time to save the pageant, only to scandalize the congregation by playing distressing minor key renditions of the carols and going on for way too long.

In the second chapter, the organist's sobriety becomes a matter of speculation when the exact same set of carols is played over again "but better." The congregation begins to wonder if they will ever get to go home, but the pastor's polite "wrap it up" hand signals go unseen or unheeded. Many Christians begin to covet their neighbors' walkmen.

credits

released December 14, 2013

All carols arranged by Rob Dietrich

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The Perfect Band Portland, Oregon

Beginner Poetry, Advanced Counterpoint, Intermediate Face Melting.

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